Big Riding Orange Hair
by de yaten
Summary: Parody of Little Red Riding Hood. Starring Kuwabara as Little Red, Youko as the Wolf, and Hiei was the - er, not-so-dashing huntsman that may or may not come to the rescue.


Title: Big Riding Orange Hair

Author: Digimon Empress Yaten (de yaten)

Notes: This was written quite some time ago, but it has a place in my heart. Kuwabara bashing. :( I do love the big lug, though!

Disclaimer: Don't own YYH, don't claim to.

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Once upon a time, there was a town. In that town, there was a little girl who everyone loved. Well... maybe not so little. And... maybe it wasn't a girl. And maybe no one loved him. But let us continue with the tale. As I said, there was a town - in the town there was a rather large teenaged boy, who wasn't exactly the most charming, or the most handsome... and hardly anyone actually knew who he was... those who did either hated him or forced themselves to accept his irritating qualities and his equally irritating curly, orange hair.

Anyway, on this particular date, the boy (Big Riding Orange Hair)'s mother had decided to send her boy on an errand.

"Now, Big Riding Orange Hair, I want you to take this basket of alcohol and rice to your friend's mother. You know she moved into that new country home and can't make the trip as often now, for she's fallen ill. She needs nourishment, you know!" The mother said, all the while packing a small basket with bottles and small rice balls.

"But..." Big Riding Orange Hair started...

"No buts! Now, take this basket to her house. Remember that you have to go through the woods. Make eye contact with anyone you meet. Stay on the path! No running, for you might break the bottles. Remember to be polite." She ordered, handing Big Riding Orange Hair the basket and pushing him out the door. He sighed, and began skipping towards the woods.

As he passed the threshold into the forest, a deep carving on the first tree caught his eye -- **WARNING**, it said, **DO NOT ENTER WOODS. DANGEROUS THIEF LIVES HERE! DO NOT ENTER! I MEAN IT! SHE CAN GET HER OWN BOOZE! **Big Riding Orange Hair simply scratched his head, wondering what sort of meaning weird squiggles had on a tree.

"Oh well," he said, and continued skipping into the forest without a care.

It so happens that, had Big Riding Orange Hair been able to read, he would've found out that the warning was a fair one - for there was a dangerous thief roaming the forest. It also so happens that the thief was a Fox -Youko- an animal famous for trickery and deception. Everyone knew so.

Well... everyone except for Big Riding Orange Hair. Youko knew of Big Riding Orange Hair's ignorance, and proceeded to wait for Big Riding Orange Hair near the forest's only intersection.

As Big Riding Orange Hair came into the clearing, Youko gave him a friendly wave.

"Hello, Big Riding Orange Hair! It is I, Youko! Good day to you!" Youko said in a most friendly voice, getting up to stand near Big Riding Orange Hair.

"Uh... thanks, Youko." Answered Big Riding Orange Hair, clearly having no idea who (or what) was speaking to him.

"My, it is early... where are you going so early this morning, Big Riding Orange Hair?" Youko gestured to the barely risen sun.

"To my neighbors." Big Riding Orange Hair answered, starting to walk on.

"Goodness, are you? What are you carrying in that basket, if you please?" Youko curiously peered at Big Riding Orange Hair's basket.

"Rice and booze, for my neighbor. She's ill and can't make the trip herself... and my mom is lazy. Stupid..." Big Riding Orange Hair mumbled to himself, clearly not willingly making this journey.

"My, how helpful of you! Where does your neighbor live?" Youko smiled at the boy, walking closer.

"She lives at the top of this hill, see that trail? It leads to her house...umm... It's the one with a big bottle on the roof, and the dying flowers in the windowsill. It's about 15 minutes from here. Or was it 10? I dunno." Big Riding Orange Hair mumbled, pointing to the trail on the left.

'Heh. He may not be much to look at, but I am pretty hungry. And he'll certainly taste better than his drunken neighbor. I simply must eat them both!' Youko thought, licking his lips.

"You know, Big Riding Orange Hair... don't you think your neighbor would like some flowers?" He gestured toward the trail on the right, "There are some pretty ones right at the beginning of this trail!"

Big Riding Orange Hair looked, and looked - and saw a dandelion. Clearly Youko was making the beautiful flower thing up, but Big Riding Orange Hair didn't know the difference.

"Wow! I bet she would! I'll just pick a few right...uhh...here." He walked toward the first weed, and pulled it out. He pulled out a few more... and noticed that there were even "prettier" weeds farther out. He kept on picking, and picking, and going farther into the trail.

Youko took the opportunity to spring into the left trail, bounding toward Big Riding Orange Hair's original destination. He knocked on the door, and heard someone call out;

"Who is it?"

Youko replied, "It's, uhhh... Big Riding... Orange Hair...duh-huh..." Using his encounter with the boy to add to the voice, of course!

The neighbor, quite drunk, replied to this. "Umm... I'm too feeble an' that... open the door yourself, m'kay?"

And so, Youko did just that. Before the drunken woman could react, he pulled her out of bed and gobbled her up!

All the while, Big Riding Orange Hair was picking dandelions, each more moldy than the last. After gathering quite a few, he remembered his task and set off down the path. He leisurely walked to the house on the hill, and walked in the house. It didn't seem odd to him that the door was open.

The room was very dark, and all the windows had been covered with cloth. Again, he saw nothing odd with the strange happenings at the house.

"Good morning!" He called, but there was no answer! Big Riding Orange Hair approached the bed, pulling the blanket down a little, "Um... good morning?"

"Good morning..." Came a voice from the corner.

Big Riding Orange Hair spun around, "Huh? Um... is that you, neighbor?"

Youko--er, the neighbor, moved a little in the shadows. "Yes, yes it is dear! I'm not feeling so well... could you come closer?"

Big Riding Orange Hair did as he was told, and took notice that his neighbor looked just a _little _strange!

"Gosh... what large, furry ears you gots!"

"The better to hear small animals with..."

"Wow... what piercing eyes you gots!"

"All the better to see unsuspecting prey with, of course."

"Golly! What silky hair you gots!"

"The better to attract unsuspecting meals, and fangirls with."

"Goodness glaciers! What sharp teeth you have!"

"All the better to tear into your bastard flesh with!"

"Wow! What big--"

As Youko had become increasingly impatient, he grabbed Big Riding Orange Hair and gobbled him up.

Quite full, he lay down in the soft bed and fell asleep. Though he was not snoring, or making any otherwise loud noises, he had forgotten to shut the door completely - and soon another lurker in the forest happened to see the stunning Youko sleeping in the bed.

As he opened the door, the rusty hinges made a noisy _creak_, and Youko woke up with a start.

Though as soon as he opened his eyes and recognized the intruder, he lazily stretched his arms. "What brings you here, koibito?"

"Hn. Such a degrading term, Youko." The intruder -Hiei- frowned, crossing his arms in a stubborn way.

"Aa, so it is... goodness me, you aren't mad, are you, koibito?" Youko found it particularly hilarious to test Hiei's patience.

"Of course I'm mad! You didn't even save me any flesh!" Hiei coldly said, rubbing his stomach.

"I could cut myself open, if you like..." Youko ran a sharp fingernail teasingly over his stomach.

Hiei smirked, "Unnecessary, sadly. The idiot had a pet, you know. I hear human kittens taste quite divine..."


End file.
